Henges and Pen Pots.

I used to own a desk tidy. I’ve since graduated to a simple pen pot.Useful devices that retain writing implements and various other stationery in an upright position, corralling the paraphernalia of the deskdom into a cylindrical cup of ink and lead, from the marker to the pencil; the fountain to the highlighter; the Sharpie to the Parker. I used to have scissors in mine, but they disappeared.

I saw Stonehenge for the first time ever today.
The road runs close past it, and it’s a beautiful sight. To think that I can call myself Chris Turner BA (Hons) in Archaeology and Anthropology without ever visiting this site is highly amusing. I drove past it on the way to a gig in Shaftesbury, Dorset (a tiny town with a lovely/quaint arts centre, and a dire requirement for a one-way system), and plenty of time to stare at the stones, due to the superb skills of the A303′s planners, who thought that having a road where the width of carriageway changes more times than an epileptic traffic light was a fantastic idea.

Standing stones, standing traffic.

I’m off to Budapest in six weeks, and today I spoke to a Hungarian woman who taught me about the short and long vowel sounds in their language – it turns out I’ve been pronouncing the words for ‘wine cellar’ and ‘beer cellar’ incorrectly, so I’m glad to have finally learned.

Fragments here, but three other things are:

1. If you’re interested in the inner workings of stand up, check out The Comedian’s Comedian podcast with Stuart Goldsmith. It’s very good.
2. John Fahey is brilliant writing music. Have a listen to any of his early stuff if you can.
3. If you live in Nottingham, come to thison Sunday – a BBQ and a gig. I’ll be there doing jokes and stuff.

Sleep tight.

Motorway Origami.

This morning, I pootled along the M6 motorway in my tiny grey Hyundai while a cocktail of wind and rain thrashed at the wheels, violently buffeting the car. I’m used to the sway and general movement that happens to the car in these kind of conditions – and know better than to get close to HGVs when it’s like that.

In January, there was a really bad night of rain, and driving home from Leeds I saw a lorry get caught in a gust on top of Barton Bridge near the Trafford Centre, and it fell onto its side. When I got home I posted this on tumblr:

While driving over Barton Bridge
Near the Trafford Centre
Above the sewage works,
After an hour on the road
With sheets of rain
Sticking to the sides
Of my Hyundai;
There was a lorry,
A blue tarped box
Sleeping on its side,
Lain across the motorway -
Covering three lanes diagonally
Like an incomplete tally mark -
I slowed the car to forty
And continued to drive
With massed brake lights
In my right wing mirror;
I reached home on time
Stopped my dog barking;
And searched twitter for ‘M60 Lorry’.

The next day it turned out that the driver was fine, but the motorway had been closed and cars on the bridge held up for 2 hours.

Today, travelling South, approaching Junction 9 of the M6 (where Walsall’s stadium is), I saw a blue banner flapping in the wind above the Northbound carriageway. As I looked, the banner peeled away from the gantry that displayed the changing speed limit signs, and was wrenched free from its fastenings. As it tumbled in turbulence, down towards the cars, I saw that it wasn’t a banner, but a whole section of motorway signage.

See that blue sign at the top? The right half of that. A big chunk of scary metal.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice it, and so no one swerved, and so any accident was avoided when the sign ended up missing any cars; carried far enough by the wind to land just past the hard shoulder, one corner all curled and torn where it had hung onto the gantry before being shorn clean off.

Crazy.